Getting Back Your Small Talk Chops
You’re Not Alone
If you’ve lost your small talk chops in recent years, you’re not alone. Physical isolation and rising social tension haven’t exactly made things easier.
Some people never had them to begin with—and the pandemic didn’t help. Reaching out just isn’t in everyone’s comfort zone.
Small Talk Basics
Let’s start simple: most people like being engaged in friendly conversation—way more than we expect. Studies show we underestimate how positively others will respond when we initiate a conversation. It’s easy to forget that attention and connection are deeply human desires.
The Breadcrumbs
Small talk isn’t about being charming—it’s about breadcrumbing. You toss out simple, light observations or questions. Someone responds. The conversation builds.
Everyone Has a Story
For people we know, small talk can start with, “I was just thinking about you…” and a question that shows you’re paying attention. For strangers, something as small as “How’s your day going so far?” works wonders. Everyone has a story—and they usually appreciate someone taking interest in it.
How to Respond
Responding is easy: just relate with your own story or ask a follow-up question. Think of it as volleying back a little interest.
Casual, Brief, and Light
Keep it breezy. Avoid complaints, hot takes, or venting. Small talk lives in the in-between moments, and it’s meant to be light and quick.
“Have You…?”
A handy go-to? Ask “Have you…” questions:
“Have you been to that new coffee shop?”
“Have you seen [insert show/book/news]?”
“Have you heard what [mutual friend] is up to?”
These questions open the door to stories and shared experiences—aka connection.
Keep a Few in Your Back Pocket
You don’t need a script, but having a mental list of reliable prompts can make casual conversation easier to start—and steer.
Exiting Gracefully
Exits matter just as much. A smooth way out? Ask what the rest of their day looks like, share yours, and offer a quick well wish. It makes “Good to see you” feel natural—not abrupt.
Just Text or Call
So next time someone comes to mind, don’t overthink it. Wait five seconds, then send the message or make the call. There’s a good chance they’ll be glad you did.
