The Art of Self-Compassion
Among the most important conversations happening in workplaces today are those about how we treat one another. These discussions focus on new expressions of respect—and at the heart of respect is compassion.
Compassion is kindness. While many of us wish for a more compassionate world, compassion doesn’t come from mandates or movements; it unfolds in moments, one act of kindness at a time.
Kindness matters deeply because it is the foundation of trust—the trust that fuels team alignment, velocity, and agility. It is more than just rhetoric or a trend. When teams truly flourish, you see people valuing small, daily acts of unconditional kindness.
We enable kindness toward others when we first practice self-compassion. Drawing on the research of Kristin Neff and others, science now shows the character, practice, and many benefits of self-compassion. Simply put: self-compassion is self-kindness.
Self-kindness means being gentle with ourselves in moments of imperfection—when we fall short or let others (and ourselves) down. Instead of harsh self-criticism, we offer ourselves the same kind support we would give a close friend who is struggling.
This self-kindness is the ultimate antidote to suffering caused by self-criticism. As we practice it, we discover how self-criticism is not only painful but counterproductive and unnecessary. The more we accept our imperfect nature, the freer we are to live without fear of imperfection.
This ancient wisdom teaches us that only by accepting ourselves as we are can we discover what else is possible. The willingness to be imperfect fuels our passion and capacity to learn—key ingredients for meaning and mastery in both work and life.
Among many possible practices of self-kindness, three stand out: empathy, engagement, and encouragement.
Empathy is the gentle reminder we give ourselves. It’s soothing self-talk that acknowledges being imperfect is hard; everyone struggles; failure isn’t a choice; we always do the best we can with what we know; and alongside our flaws, we do many things well. We speak these truths in the same caring tone we’d use with a hurting friend.
We practice empathy whenever we wrestle with disappointment, guilt, or remorse—choosing kindness over criticism, berating, or lecturing. This opens space for unconditional kindness. Try a daily habit of reflecting on moments of struggle and offering yourself self-empathy.
Engagement is a shift from self-criticism to noticing what’s possible in the present moment—what you can know, do, and enjoy right now. It’s about curiosity and participation rather than judgment. No matter how many imperfections we experience, there’s always something new to discover and appreciate.
Simply ask yourself: What’s possible for me to know right now? What’s possible to do right now? What’s possible to enjoy right now? Even two minutes of this practice can move you toward self-kindness.
Encouragement means giving yourself permission to act imperfectly—especially on things waiting to be done. Ask yourself: What could it look like to do this imperfectly? and What would work without being perfect? Allowing imperfection often helps us get more done.
This realistic encouragement reveals many ways to start and complete tasks. Different approaches can be just as effective as perfect ones. Our lives thrive even when we aren’t perfect human beings. Reflect on the countless things you’ve accomplished and survived—often imperfectly.
When we are kind to ourselves, we gain energy, creativity, and resilience. We become less reactive, accomplish more, and live with greater courage—freed from the fear of failure. Our capacity for compassion toward others grows, and everyone benefits.
