The Art of "Reading" Emotions
Whether we’re in person or on screens, it can be surprisingly difficult to accurately “read” how others are feeling. Fortunately, new findings in neuroscience are giving us fresh insight into why that is—and how we can respond with more clarity and empathy.
Why the Old Science Falls Short
If you studied psychology a few decades ago, you might remember memorizing entire taxonomies of body language. Back then, the prevailing belief was that emotions express themselves through classic, universal behaviors—smiles for happiness, scowls for anger, crossed arms for resistance.
This assumption gave rise to a whole industry promising the ability to “read” emotions based on facial expressions and body posture. Today, AI tools are being developed to do just that. But according to newer neuroscience, much of this is built on flawed foundations.
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett of Northeastern University has found that those early studies suffered from major design limitations. Her research shows that emotional expression is far more variable than previously thought.
Variety Is the Norm
Here’s what the data says:
People smile when they’re happy only about 12% of the time.
People scowl when they’re angry about 28% of the time.
We can smile when we’re in love—or afraid, anxious, furious, grieving, or even depressed. There is no one-to-one mapping between an emotion and its outward expression. Emotions don’t reside in any single location in the brain, and they don’t show up in predictable ways on the face or body.
In fact, our ability to misinterpret someone else’s feelings is virtually unlimited.
Even when we do correctly sense what someone might be feeling, research shows they’re often feeling other emotions at the same time. Psychologist Kate Barford has found that mixed emotions—layered and complex—are far more common than singular emotional states.
Curiosity Over Assumption
So, how do we truly understand how someone feels?
We ask.
No amount of confidence in our own interpretive skills can replace the power of genuine, open-ended curiosity. And even curiosity requires context: People are far more likely to open up when they feel emotionally safe—when they trust their words will be met with understanding rather than judgment or correction.
This isn’t just about interpersonal skill—it’s about creating the right conditions for emotional clarity.
Feelings vs. Emotions
Another important distinction: Feelings and emotions aren’t the same.
Feelings are physical sensations—tight shoulders, a fluttering stomach, clenched fists, warm cheeks.
Emotions arise when we interpret and label those sensations.
We can feel tension in moments of joy or fear. We can experience warmth in both anger and love. Emotions happen when we attach meaning to those feelings: “That was so thoughtful of them” might become appreciation, relief, or delight.
Sometimes, when we ask someone how they feel, it’s the first time they’ve tried to translate raw sensations into words. That’s one more reason why asking—rather than assuming—is such a powerful gateway to emotional insight.
The Art of Understanding Others
Knowing how others feel is not a science of certainty—it’s an art of presence.
It’s something we can learn, practice, and refine. It requires curiosity, compassion, and the willingness to hear what someone shares—not just what we think they’re showing us.
And it’s essential to understanding the truth of their experience—and responding in a way that honors it.
